This is Groiole Cheese, Popcorn, Cherry Tomato and a Spicy Native Plant grown in Positano at La Selva. This was made by Chef Francesco Nicolai.
I was in Indian for 10 days to do a Vipassana Kriya Meditation Retreat, this was the view from the roof over the neighboring farms next to the ashram.
Patterns embedded patterns the height of my internal pain that there needs to be felt before any change can come in.
There’s pain like rain drops they just don’t stop falling and nothing changes. I woke at 5 am to start my day with tea, my lower back and hips hurt my heart and the pain of my repetitive thoughts has started. It’s strange living with low or no energy in my time of transition I feel conflicted and my mood remains private inside me. As I smile on cue, turn up on time and laugh on cue.
I’ve learnt living a curiosity on the inside and enquiring with me what works in my life, has meant I’ve craved company of others but the emotional quick sand I was balancing on could keep me under for Days…. Weeks ….. Months …. I have learnt to live in the zone of in between now I’ve left one world and I’ve not fully landed in the new world I craved. I’ve this feeling I’m going to be here for a while but I feel uncomfortable, restless and longing for new experiences.
As much as I’ve craved this peace, this internal quietness I’m over tired and longing for fun. In this confliction and conflicted living how do I priories my self-care and my longing to feel alive and aliveness is missing. Taking timeout of my life, the way I want to live it made self-care seem extreme.
It’s the aliveness in my ordinary life I crave in the very day stuff, to live awake and to try to follow. Rather than control everyday life, in the stillness an irritated feeling is here it this zone of in-between. It’s uncomfortable and I feel I’m going to be here for a while. I’m not use to the feelings that a raise from stillness and being at peace with them. Feeling aren’t facts but they are an awesome guide to what new wonderful experiences to come.
Letting the voices in my head be heard and expressed but knowing they are changing too. This giant hold button on my life I’m now surrendering too. Hoping the new doors of the life I want to open will open but this thinking only of this external fix, only pains me more. And my fear has fire..
Knowing I’m resting allowing my focus is in one direction while rediscovering a state of clear-mindedness. I’m treating my to a trip to India to allow my healing and quieting my mind for clear-mindedness. I’ll be in silence for the next 10 days, I’ll write once I’m back.
Making peace with yourself requires treats you can enjoy, these are chewy, chocolaty and strawberry awesomeness. I didn’t measure at all, I looked at the dish I would set this in and used my gut feeling.
Gluten free organic oats — blitzed in a food processor to a fine texture
Brazil nuts organic and macadamia nuts add to the processor and blitzed
Cinnamon about a low teaspoon
Vanilla extract liquid a lot
Raw Cacao powder 3 good tablespoons
Mineral salt a pinch
Blitz all this together then add rice syrup and liquefied coconut oil, pause till a ball forms or little balls form. If not add more liquids. Line a dish and push the base mixture into it. Have a little taste and see if you need to add anything. Once in the fridge this will become more chocolaty.
I left mine for an hour.
Strawberry Choc IcingMelt Cacao fat
Add a little pinch of mineral salt
Vanilla a lot
1/4 teaspoon of cinnamon
add raw cacoa powder
Stir the mix and taste
Add rice syrup if you need too for your taste – Poor on to your base – Pop back into the fridge. After 15 minutes, take your chew out and sprinkle bluckwheat goats and freeze dried strawberry powder.
Then pop back into the fridge to harden in about 20 to 30 minutes. Then Enjoy…:-)
Making peace with quietness isn’t easy, quieting my mind takes effort and then after practice it just happens. Surrender isn’t giving up, allowing and letting go isn’t letting others do better. Surrender to allow healing is brave, its real, its realising it is safe to step back and take time to heal.
Heal from what? All the disappointments, heal from a perceived mistake, heal from illness, or just realising what once worked, no longer does.
In my time of quietness I’ve looked to find what I love and how I love to feel, focusing on doing the next right thing in that moment. When I think like this a nap happens or I make a cup of tea or I do a meditation or go to a yoga class.
The last hit workout I did my body acted badly after, I had a high stress response and my muscles went hard like rock for two weeks. No matter how many salt baths I had my body wouldn’t relax. The trainer was excellent but my body and mind perceived huge danger which equaled high stress response. This highlighted to me again, where I am at in this moment of my life.
Extreme Self Care — Self Care — Accepting — Allowing Healing
We all feel off from time to time but sometimes that feeling lingers
I’ve learnt raising our vibrations really helps too, our cells to vibrate like the atoms in our air. Through raising my internal vibrations small changes are coming into my life, even though I’ve stepped back, little by little new experiences have come in.
Have you smelled a rose lately? A real rose, next time you do this, think how you feel afterwards. Have you taken in a deep breath down to your tummy? think how do you feel after…. try doing 3 in a row and breath out your mouth… or do these deep breaths with a real rose in a garden…. then take a walk and think how do you feel?
I love do this…
Have you tried juice fasting? Have you had results but then all the weight comes back or just doesn’t leave? My tummy is out its not flat, I workout, I eat a lot of vegetables, I make homemade treats no refined sugar but I do use rice syrup in my raw chocolates.
No weight gain — No weight Loss — No toning up — No change
Stuck –Stuck and Still Stuck year after year
Same feelings — Same thoughts — Same result
There is safety in our patterns, there is the same thinking with no new actions to start a change no matter how small. Yet feeling low and down and comparing to others is in grained in our brains. When I look at another female, I think I love what she is wearing and I love her glossy hair, glowing skin, sparkling eyes. But what I really want to know is, are you happy inside your skin?
We can all choose healthy foods to sparkle, we can all get dressed but how we feel and our perceptions of our worlds around us. Is what is the most important.
How do you feel today?
So this kiwi has needed help with most parts of my life. I’m still working through this time, I love structure and I worked hard for my role (can you hear me not letting go)but I love and felt the structure is what I’ve needed.
I’ve taken a big step back in my life there is no date nights, no partying, no pushing to achieve more, do more. No push to be promoted, no hit workouts, it has been time for inner work and time to pull back. Then I started being treated for post traumatic stress disorder, I needed to make peace with the nothingness.
I started to feel okay with this feeling of oh Sh*t…. oh here is the route of my low energy, blackouts and other things in my life, I felt I had no way of managing. They where in charge of me..
With social media being how people live and show their life’s, I’ve learnt it’s how we perceive those pictures or messages based on our own life experience.
Then I read, I am not what, you think I am. You are what you think I am.
I am going to share what has worked for me to move forward, I hope there are bits you may like to try… small steps forward, small changes = new happiness
No forcing, if change was easy habits would disappear 🙂
Directing my intentions and actions wisely has taken daily work with the health issues I’ve been working through. Even if eating the healthiest choice I could make and not feel bad about any unhealthy foods I had, has been key.
Using my energy wisely has been an effort because I want and wanted to form my future. Filled with vibrant health, lots of energy and beautiful moments with laughter and sharing.
Law of attraction brings into our life’s everything we think, say and do becomes your reality. This didn’t mean pretending I was in full wellness and ignore the pain I was in, it meant to nourish myself on all levels and doing what I could to create my well future.
Choosing to focus my attention on my full health, happiness and joy took effort. My future is now, tomorrow is never a guarantee – start creating it today knowing everything is a product of thoughts. Our emotions are the best GPS to show us the way forward.
Do you like the way you feel? Do you listen to your thoughts and hear what you are are to ourself?
Lost energy does return and inspirations return those inspirations transform into action.
At one point in my life I didn’t recognise myself and I hated what was being reflected back to me by everyone and everything in my life.
Some readers think blogger live perfect lives but I think it’s more about living in a solution. And building health or happiness as a first priority is more our messages to everyone.
Stopping living in the past takes deep inner strength and then courage of our brave hearts to form our futures. Letting life nourish and inspire us accessing our inner wisdom as an on going personal adventure. Which self-limiting locks do you want to break free from?
My personal beliefs are stronger than ever towards responsible health and well-being.
It is up to me what I think, eat, drink and feel a life on rewind and repeat isn’t for me. If it’s true we carry 7 generations of stuff with us in one lifetime.
It’s not what we do sometimes that affects our bodies negatively it’s the daily actions we do. Like overeating is okay to do sometimes but if it becomes a habit daily. Day after day then the digestive system becomes slower and slower, we may not sleep as well and pooing may become slower too. And a tiredness sets in slowly and this tiredness starts to feel normal till one day, one year, in one moment we realise this isn’t normal to feel so tired.
During my time of not feeling well and trying to work out ‘why’, my focus has been my food, what I drink and how I think and how I feel. I’ve been learning transformational breathing, which is a connected breath and exploring my feelings.
To breath means to take in life.
I needed to ask myself what am I scared of? And are these things real or learnt.
Salt water, Sweat and Tears supper healing as I live in London, I buy salt and bath in it. I sweat doing an exercise I love and I cry if I feel I need to.
My fierce love for vegetables and as clean water as I can find is my priority.
My perception of my conditioning has changed and this has been empowering beyond words.
My perception change mixed with the support I have as help me to thrive in challenge, pain and heartbreak.
It takes courage to relax. To soften. To open.
It’s much easier too be tense and tight and closed and wound-up. It’s all-too-easy to be on rewind and repeat the life we don’t want and just keep going, going, going until we get so exhausted that we finally collapse. And when we feel utterly exhausted and no new path is brightly lit up for us to step onto without fears.
It’s even easier to conveniently gloss over the feelings from our hearts or our authentic feelings because our natural state of tension seems normal.. its not ….
It is relaxation. It is openness. It is softness. It is allowing.
I know its been ages since I’ve posted anything substantial here. But…I decided to take a little break from blogging and anything that’s so much, so I could concentrate on my healing a GUT FULL of systems.
It’s all about adrenal fatigue, hormone imbalance (including thyroid, my hair falling out, weight gain and gut issues and post traumatic stress disorder.
Basically I feel like a mess Ha! Actually it’s only funny now that I’m on the other side of nearly 5 years of adrenal fatigue and its accompanying, persistent and full on symptoms.
Listening to my body, I knew something had to give, and this time it needn’t be my recent good health. I started this blog to teach you all about my love for veg and how to slow down the aging process. And how I’ve mastered it all… ha haa how life plays jokes.
I’m broken with a private doctor and tests to support my next best choice for healing.